Feelings that Feel Feeley
By Amanda Rae
→This post was inspired by a journal entry from my personal journal on 7-6-2020. I journal often. It helps me to unpack and integrate what I am learning. I had no intention of sharing this with anyone, but found myself addressing this exact topic the very next morning during one of my live events.
Let’s talk about Feelings. Oy. I can feel the anxiety creeping in.
For this Scorpio, that is a scary word. No, it’s more like a bad word. I don’t like feeling icky feelings. Nobody really does though, right?
I often find myself helping my clients get to the root of past issues that have an effect that is corded to the present situation. What does that mean? Basically, together we work to find the life situation or event that caused an emotional response that still is affecting them in this now moment. Ancestral healing is an example of this work, although it’s not always tied to our ancestors. Our emotions can be hidden in plain sight, and yet we still don’t really notice them.
We (or at least most of us) have that pile of junk lying around our house somewhere. Yeah, you know that spot! It just sits there, not going away until we sort it and clean it up. Sure, we can shut the light off, close the door and pretend it’s not there affecting us or our space because we don’t feel like dealing with it. But guess what? It actually does have an effect each time we pass it. We start up an inner dialogue about why we can’t tend to that now, why we want to keep it, when we will get to it, and so on.
The same thing happens with our emotions that we keep piled up inside.
That space has so much more potential then what it’s being used for. It’s time to clean it out. To do that, you have to get your hands dirty and do the work.
This is what I’ve been busy doing lately.
Cleaning the spaces.
I’m stubborn and apparently don’t like to clean until I say I want to clean. My mom has always said I did things on my own time so.. hey at least I’m consistent!
To say I like to be in control of the situation is just half of it, I like to be in control of my emotions too. Don’t we all to some degree?
I had an epiphany while on the phone with my mom. 2020 has kicked my butt, then continued to kick me each time I have gotten back up, it’s punched me in the face.
I was explaining to her that the latest situation was forcing me to have to “go there” with my feelings. Not this specific situation itself, more like the compilation of all the recent situations. Each event has happened so close to the last that I hardly have time to process any of it, let alone keep going. There has been so many big life shifts since nov of last year. Some I understand were necessary, some I’m still waiting for the clarity.
We somehow got on the title/theme of my business that I had just revealed to her that I had. I shared more of what I actually do, and how Spirt works through me and suddenly …I realized it.
Refinement… I am being refined by Spirit by doing the exact thing that I talk about so often.
We were discussing how Spirit works to eliminate things in our life that do not serve in the highest good.Of course that doesn’t feel comforting when you feel like your life is falling apart, but I had a sudden glimpse of clarity.
The events that are rolling in one on top of another are here to refine me. They are forcing me to do two things that I am uncomfortable doing.
- Get feely with my feelings. The feelings that hide behind that closed door in my heart. I just assume leave them there. Ugh. So much deeeeeep emotion being a Scorpio. Nerp. Too much work, so .. NEXT!
- Do more inner work. This is making me revisit the steps in my own healing process that I use with my clients.. again! I have had many rounds in the heart healing process, and I know that its part of the journey. Each time around will refine me more and more. Why? So I can be more in alignment with what God wants for me and with that pure source of love. Without hoarding all of those feelings that I keep ignoring, I will have more potential in my heart to serve in a greater capacity!
The message was that the cluttered up space in my heart that holds all the feelings that I deem too feely actually need to be addressed. If I just acknowledge that I feel them, perhaps they will teach me something and be healed.
I acknowledged that I need to sit and feel the emotions. I don’t need to soak in them, but I need to have compassion for myself and acknowledge the feelings of pain, fear and anger.
That is ok to not be ok.
It is completely ok.. to not be ok. Even if it makes me cry.
I’m going to say that again so it sinks in my own head.. It’s ok to not be ok, and it is ok to cry.
Does it immediately heal the heart? No.
Does it immediately take fear away? No.
Does it immediately release anger? No.
But it IS a good start!
And it DOES give the heart peace, knowing that we don’t have to carry that around and it’s acceptable to feel the feelings even when they aren’t good. It also ushers in hope. Knowing that there is a plan. We may not understand the plan in this now moment, but it helps to be more present in this moment. By choosing to acknowledge the feelings we have, we begin to release them to our higher power so that we can be more in alignment with the plan, making us more ready to accept when the good things come our wayl
If you have been carrying around some feelings that you refuse to look at, I invite you to grab a journal and write some things down. Allow yourself the space to unpack what it is that you are truly feeling. You might just find out that you have been giving it more power then it really has. Sometimes journaling helps you see that your emotions are actually invitations to take a closer look to energies we hold in our bodies that really have no business being there.
Holding these kinds of emotions in our bodies actually create physical damage over time. The physical damage is called dis-ease. I have a post in the works that discusses this topic and I will publish soon!
Love, Amanda Rae
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